C is for Crybaby

Little did I know when I wrote my last post that things would get worse before they got better.  Turns out my shortness of breath and cough were caused by fluid accumulating around my heart, and on July 1 I was admitted to the hospital for an unplanned surgery to remove that fluid.  I spent 3 long days and nights on the 5th floor of St. Thomas Midtown.   Unfortunately, fluid is now accumulating in my left lung, so I have one more surgery scheduled for this coming week.

When  I was a kid I loved riding the roller coaster.  The speed and turns were exhilarating and I would scream out loud with pure joy.  Now, imagine the worst kind of roller coaster, the rickety ride that makes you queasy and sick and scared.  That's what the past 2 weeks have felt like to me, hurtling along an uncertain path filled with  stress and discomfort.  I think I've shed more tears in the last ten days than I have in my entire cancer journey.

I still don't feel great physically, but emotionally I finally caught some much needed breaks today.  I got the results of my most recent chest and abdomen scans and there is no sign of any new cancer!!  The cancer I have is microscopic, irritating the linings of my lungs and heart, but not growing into tumors nor showing up in other parts of my body.  And it looks like I am good candidate for a clinical trial that is showing promising results.  Small victories to be sure, but sorely needed.

I still have to get through another surgery this week, but I know I can do it.  My family and friends continue to exceed my wildest expectations with their continued support, love and care.   I've been crying all day today, but for the first time in two weeks they are tears of relief and hope and renewed optimism.