C is for Coping

Is it just me, or are stories about cancer everywhere these days?? I  just read with dismay that Gail Kerr, a columnist with The Tennessean, has died at the age of 52.   Gail was a two time cancer survivor, and although the article didn't clearly state the cause of death, I inferred that cancer played some part.  I also just read that Jim Kelly, NFL Hall of Famer, is battling a recurrence of an aggressive form of oral cancer.  This insidious disease seems to be everywhere, touching everyone.  If you are reading this blog you know me, or know of me, but I would bet that you also know at least 2 or 3 other people who are currently battling a cancer demon.  We can't change the course of cancer for ourselves or our loved ones, but we can control how we react to that cancer.

The upside to these recent news stories is the focus on the community of friends, family, colleagues, neighbors - and even total strangers - who have rallied around those facing cancer.  I said from the beginning that I want this blog to be about gratitude, and let me tell you, I have never felt more loved and supported in my life!!  There are three specific things that friends are doing right now that are making a world of difference in my attitude and gratitude:

• They stay in touch:  The cancer road is often long and exhausting, so the occasional emails, calls and texts just to say hello and offer support mean more to me than you will ever know.  If you don't get a  response, don't assume anything other than I am busy or tired. Bother me again soon. :)
• They don't tell stories:  Telling me the story of how your aunt died of ovarian cancer in less than 3 months is not helpful.  We are all on a very individualized journey with the disease, and hearing stories of untimely deaths, and conversely, miraculous cures, can be very demoralizing.   I'm very lucky that my friends understand this.  
• They don't make it all about cancer: I have cancer, but I am not defined by that cancer.   And as much as I am fine to talk about my disease, I'm also planning a beach vacation, and at the moment, craving good sushi.  And vacations and sushi are best enjoyed with loved ones. 

In return, there are a few things that I am trying to do for my friends:  

• I don't want to make it all about cancer, either:  If we are talking and I fail to ask about you, your kids or your job, then shame on me.  Your stuff is just as important as my stuff!
• I want to keep you informed, but not bombard you with the details:  I have a Facebook friend who likes to post what she eats for breakfast, how long it takes her to commute to work, when she does her laundry....you get the picture.  Bless her heart, her posts just bore me to tears.  If you ever want to know what's going on with me just ask, but I'll try to keep the minutia to myself.

I hope it lifts your spirits to read this blog as much as it lifts mine to write it.  Thanks for checking in with me once again!

C is for Cute

When I was a young girl, feeling insecure and unattractive, I asked my Mom, "Am I pretty?"  And as the legend goes, her answer was "Honey, your personality shows in your face!"  To my Mom's credit, I'm fairly certain this is NOT what actually transpired, and I suspect she was trying to teach me a valuable lesson about inner beauty.  Still, the story lives on as recounted above, and we love to tell it over and over again at family gatherings, much to my mother's embarrassment.

It is only now, with the passage of time and the advantage of perspective, that I can see how this story shaped the way I viewed myself for far too long.  I've never been physically beautiful.  I can pass for cute, occasionally pretty in the right light, but I've never been confused for a super model.  But I've done myself a disservice by separating beauty into two distinct categories - inner and physical.  At the ripe age of 50, I am arguably the least physically attractive I have ever been.  My squinty eyes look smaller, my wrinkles are larger, and my once thick and healthy hair is stringy and sparse.  So I'm surprised when I look in the mirror these days and see a strong, stubborn, and yes, beautiful woman looking back.   I see a woman on a journey that is getting progressively harder, but I've finally figured out that I am well equipped for the ride. The beauty of family, friends, attitude and gratitude is inside of me and all around me.  I hope that my personality does indeed show in my face.  :)

C is for Courage

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.  - Nelson Mandela

I'm already overwhelmed at the outpouring of love and support from friends and family, near and far. People are calling me brave, but truly, the bravest person I know is my father, James B. Grady.  (Or as he likes to say, James "B is for Beautiful" Grady.)   He was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer last June, and almost 10 months later, continues to defy the odds.  Every two weeks he gets a chemo infusion which must be brutal, but you would never know from the way he teases the nurses and smiles at every patient in the treatment room.  He thinks the reason he got cancer is to help brighten the lives of people who are in dark places, and I am going to do my best to live up to his example.  He inspires me through his selflessness, his optimism, his sense of humor, and his strong belief that death is not the end, but the beginning of something more beautiful than we can ever imagine.

I take after my Dad in a lot of ways.  I have his keen wit, a tiny bit of his intelligence, his big thighs and his crooked teeth.  He instilled in me a love of literature and poetry, taught me how to drop the f-bomb and play gin rummy, and shared the strategies of football and hockey so I would really understand what I was watching  on TV.  We differ mightily on politics, but that makes our debates more spirited.  I have a lot of my Mom in me, too, but even she acknowledges that I am clearly my father's daughter.  Never have I been more proud of that comparison.

So I should probably finish up this entry so I can go call my sweet Dad and tell him how to navigate to this blog.  Did I mention he is IT challenged?  Did I mention that my sister, Elizabeth, helped me set up this blog because I am an IT moron, too?   Like father, like daughter.   In the areas that truly matter, I have some work to do to make sure that is true.

And it begins....

I refuse to let my cancer diagnosis define who I am.  And as much as I like to sleep, I refuse to huddle under the covers.  So....I think this is the perfect time to start a blog.  I promise this won't be all about cancer, although I will post some updates on my health from time to time.  Instead, I hope you'll indulge me as I muse about life, love, family and friendship.  I am going to publish this short paragraph now, make sure I know what the hell I am doing, and then be back on this page soon.  Thanks for joining me on my journey!